


Nothing Is Worth Losing You

by zzzett



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dean catches them on the act, Jealousy, M/M, Sastiel Love Week, Wing Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 20:44:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7522429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzzett/pseuds/zzzett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of my July 2016 Sastiel Love Week entries from tumblr.</p><p>Monday (11th): First kiss<br/>Tuesday (12th):  Cuddling<br/>Wednesday (13th): Someone finds out<br/>Thursday (14th):  College professors AU<br/>Friday (15th): On a hunt/Supernatural Powers<br/>Saturday (16th): Jealousy<br/>Sunday (17th): Adoption</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not very happy with these actually since I suffered a bad block during the week, but maybe some people would be interested.

“But nothing is worth losing you.”

That day was a particular steepness in the hill that the ball of their relationship had been rolling. Sure, there had been _something_ there since the beginning; since they met years ago, since Sam looked upon an angel of the Lord for the first time and since Castiel saw the purity of a soul he was supposed to hate. But through the years, it had rarely been addressed or even considered beyond basic infatuation. There had always been bigger battles, more important things to consider- like the lack of a soul, or a mental breakdown, so many things.

But as that beautiful soul lay helpless with a needle in his neck, urging Cas to continue- and as Sam felt the comfort of the angel’s touch even while it drained him of his life- the two had a chance to think it over and come to a mutual realization.

There was still a battle waiting outside. But in this moment, in the temporary quiet, looking into Castiel’s blue gaze -filled with a determination to protect that rivaled Dean’s- Sam felt his heart beating for him. It was time to address it, when they still had the time.

He reached up to the angel’s face, slowly- yet not meeting resistance or even reluctance. Castiel stood still, his eyes wide and glinting with old hopes he never dared to act upon, waiting for Sam to name this, to conclude it all.

“Thank you,” Sam said softly, an almost painful smile on his face as he leaned down, “for everything.”

One glance at cracked lips, and Sam decided to keep that for a happier time- his own lips closed upon the corner of Castiel’s mouth instead, closing his eyes as Cas shivered slightly. Before he withdrew, he felt the angel’s warm hand gently grasping his own.

It was a new beginning, and what they would both remember as their first kiss.


	2. Cuddling

Due to his new Netflix addiction, Castiel could often be found in Sam’s room now, binging shitty shows until his eyes got red and swallowing whole series in hours since he didn’t need sleep. It should have become disturbing, but it wasn’t; Cas had become a welcome sight in Sam’s room, lounging all lazy and soft on Sam’s bed, his angelic naivete endearing as always. 

Sam may have been worried a little, at the beginning, but he never found it in his heart to kick Cas out, even when he needed some privacy to change, for example - _“Wait Cas, it’s fine, now we’re… I mean, it’s fine. You can stay.”_ \- though he may have blushed a little like in his teenage years and maybe Cas looked away from the screen a little too long to watch as he unbuttoned his shirt. It was couple stuff now, since they were a _couple_ \- that was… kind of strange and amazing to think about.

So, even while he needed to sleep, Sam never asked Castiel to leave; he rather made a habit of nuzzling into the angel as the shows kept playing, and having the best rests of his life despite the noises. Meanwhile, Castiel made a habit of holding Sam close as he slept, and waking him in the morning with kisses all over his face.

It was a good arrangement. Maybe their progress was a bit slow as a couple, but they had no hurry with what they had now.


	3. Someone Finds Out

It was a peaceful evening in the bunker; Sam casually searching for a case, Dean sitting opposite him watching something on his laptop that Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to know, and Cas exploiting Netflix in Sam’s room, again. 

At some point, Sam got up to get the beer. Passing the empty kitchen, he retrieved two bottles from the fridge and turned to go back- 

“Jesus!”

Castiel stood inches from him, his hair and shirt a mess, eyes red rimmed from the screen. Sam’s violent startle didn’t budge him at all; he merely tilted his head in that -rather goddamn cute- way of his. “No, it’s me.”

Sam huffed out a chuckle. Despite losing his wings, the angel could still be deadly fast and silent with his movements. “Hey there, you. Wanted something?”

That unnervingly focused gaze roamed over Sam’s body for a moment, coming back up to bore into his hazels. “I think I just learned something,” he muttered gravelly. “Can I show you?”

“Uh, sure.”

“You may wish to put the bottles down.”

“… Okay.”

Sam put the beer bottles on the counter, and as he turned back, Castiel was upon him, holding his face and kissing him fiercely. His body collided with Sam’s, pushing the taller man into the counter, the bottles clinging with the impact. 

Sam shock lasted only a moment, then he was eagerly returning the attention, holding Cas by his shirt collar and grinding back into him. They had kissed before yeah, but it was always chaste, slow and sweet. Nothing passionate -almost _desperate_ \- like this and Sam was shortly left breathless, barely able to match a being who didn’t need to breathe.

“G-God,” his voice was almost gone as he managed to take a break from Castiel’s mouth, “what did you watch?”

Castiel’s hips were flush against his and Sam shuddered at the hardness he felt; he hadn’t been aware he needed this so much… The hands holding him had begun to caress and grab almost aggressively now even as Cas was letting him catch his breath.

“I already knew this part,” the angel grunted into his neck, “it’s for giving you an erection so you can ejaculate in my mouth.”

Sam let out a conflicted moan; Cas sounded horrible but _wonderful_ and it was getting him going at an embarrassing rate, with the rough touching and shamelessly literal dirty talk. The angel wasn’t even trying that, simply stating his mission and the first part of that mission was coming to a close rather fast.

By the time Cas had gotten on his knees, they both had forgotten the Dean factor. 

“Dude where’s my beer alread- OH MAN CRAP NO UH-UH COME ON!”


	4. College AU

“Oh you’re Castiel Novak!” The young, ridiculously tall instructor held out his hand eagerly, his eyes wide and full of wonder like a child. “It’s an honor, sir. Big fan of your work, you inspired my master thesis. Welcome to our school.”

Castiel kept quiet, his eyes squinting behind his glasses. He tentatively held his hand out, and it was caught halfway up by a warm hand that dwarfed his own, shaking enthusiastically. Same subject, the height, the puppy dog eyes… Castiel had heard of him too.

“You’re Sam Winchester. You’ve been working on your PhD for three years.”

The younger man’s smile dropped at that, then he chuckled nervously, pulling his manpaw back to scratch at his neck. “So my fame reached where you came.”

Okay, Castiel remembered that he sucked at social interaction. He was going to work with the man, he shouldn’t have lost points on his first day. The thought of having to make amends and socialize more would be disturbing, except he hadn’t thought this guy would actually blush and look all cute and charming despite his size.

This was worse. God damn it.

“I apologize, I… I’m not good this. I’m good at reading. Let’s start over, Mr. Winchester. Perhaps you can show me around the campus?”

Sam looked up, hazel eyes shining again. “O-Of course, sure!”


	5. On A Hunt/Supernatural Powers

Castiel was the one to strike the killing blow on the witch, stabbing her in the heart with his blade- a shriek was heard, then came a great explosion of light with accompanying static. The angel turned to Sam as the body fell, his confusion apparent at his powers suddenly going haywire. “Close your eyes!” He yelled as the light brightened still, Sam cowering from it.

The light dimmed in a minute and the flutter of wings was heard. As Sam tentatively opened his eyes, an otherworldly sight greeted him.

“Holy… Cas?” 

There the angel stood in a mass of wings; real, tangible angel wings, large and glorious. They were dark blue, just a shade lighter than the night sky, the feathers twinkling as they moved. Looking at them was like stargazing; Sam was filled with awe and humility at the face of Castiel’s divinity.

“I’m… not sure why it happened,” Cas muttered, glancing at his wings moving around restlessly as a reflection of his mood. 

“They’re really your…” Sam took a step forward, his eyed wide with awe. He wanted to laugh and cry and fall to his knees to pray at the same time. “This is how you really look like?”

“In part, yes.” Castiel couldn’t seem to keep eye contact and almost seemed to shrink back as Sam approached. “My true form has bled into this dimension. I have suppressed it in a manner that you can perceive my wings without harm. But I cannot will them to go away right now. It must be the witch’s doing.”

“They’re so beautiful...” Sam’s hand reached out slowly, tears brimming in his eyes. But Castiel pulled his wings to him before he could touch, keeping away, the feathers puffed up protectively around his body. The gesture broke through Sam’s dreamy haze, his brows creasing in worry. “Cas, you okay? I’m sorry, was I inconsiderate?”

Castiel finally looked him in the eye, blue gaze wide in the way that made him look so young, but there was also fear there. It was a painful look on a lover. “Sam, it’s… No human has gazed upon them like this. Only my brothers did, but not in a long while. Not in this manner. It’s… I didn’t think I would ever…”

Sam dared to take another step forward, slowly. “Is this intimate for you?”

Castiel looked more restless at their proximity, but still parted his wings a little for Sam to get closer. “This is their most vulnerable state. Like… nudity. We shed the armor only for our mates, by our choice. This… was out of my hands.”

Sam could understand. This was no cause for heartbreak- although they were in a relationship, Castiel apparently wasn’t ready for this. The hunter wasn’t offended for he knew the importance of consent. He’d been a victim before. 

“Do you want me to look away?” He asked softly, eyes full of sympathy and compassion. Somewhere along the line he’d come to stand directly in front of the angel, looking down at him as the wings surrounded them in a halo. 

Castiel’s eyes were locked onto his, the twitching of his wings halted. It took him a while to decide on his answer, on what he exactly felt for this beautiful soul, and if he deserved this privilege. “No,” he finally said. “I want you to see them, Sam.”


	6. Jealousy

“Why did you wink at the bartender?”

Sam almost choked on his beer. Dean snickered. “Uh, it was nothing, Cas,” Sam croaked when he managed to gulp his drink. “She answered my questions. It was a gesture of thanks.”

“Wasn’t it a flirtation?” Cas asked, his eyes squinted. The angel did have a jealous streak at times, but it was also mixed with curiosity. Dean looked away, hiding his smile into his shoulder. Since Sam and Cas had started dating, he’d been having too much fun with their banter.

Sam chuckled nervously. “Yeah, but it was innocent. Flirting doesn’t have to always mean something. It makes some people warm up to you quicker when you’re questioning them. I don’t even think about it, it’s an instinct.”

Castiel’s gaze dropped, his brows creased in thought. It took a while for him to look back up to answer, but when he did, his eyes had a sort of scary glint to them. “You never wink at me.”

“Alright, I’m outta here,” Dean got up from the bar, barely suppressing his laughter as he walked away with his beer, leaving Sam with a bitchface. He then looked back at Cas, his features softening at the intense blue gaze.

“You know I love you, right?” He asked softly, his eyes warm. “I don’t pretend with you. I don’t have to use cheap flirtations around you, because I know I can be myself. I know I’m already yours.” He slid his hand across the bar to hold Castiel’s. “Are you mine too, angel?”

Castiel glanced at their laced hands, his hold tightening on Sam’s long fingers. His intense gaze softened, his lip curling in a slight but sincere smile. “Yes, Sam. I’m yours.”


	7. Adoption

Her name was Alice. A four year old orphan they had adopted to accompany their peaceful semi-retirement in the bunker. Trauma had prevented her from speaking yet, but her twinkling hazel eyes betrayed cleverness. She was an easy child, a little timid but the affection of her two new dads and her uncle was slowly drawing her out of her shell.

Alice liked being carried by Sam the most; whenever her tall dad came into her vision, she raised her arms eagerly, asking to be held and Sam could never resist. She played with his soft hair as he walked around, occasionally looking down and smiling, presumably at how high she flew in daddy’s arms.

Castiel was the one to play with her the most; communicating with a mute child was supposed to be challenging, but the angel had divine patience and compassion for this young soul. He spent hours building legos or rolling little balls on the ground with her, speaking softly to her the entire time. Alice had seemed to take a liking to Castiel’s voice, her angelic daddy’s stories lulling her to sleep easily at night.

Uncle Dean was in charge of preparing her meals, mostly. He’d taught the new dads a surprising amount about babies too, though maybe not so surprising as Dean had learned to take care of Sam as a baby. Although he put up a grumpy façade about it all, he fooled no one; he adored his little niece and the girl reflected it back onto him.

It was an ordinary evening. Dean was away at the kitchen preparing dinner and had shooed Sam away, so he now sat reading in the living room as Cas played with Alice on the ground, their one-sided conversation soothing in the background.

“Our house is almost done. Now we just need to fill this hole on the roof, or it might be inconvenient. Humans do not like holes very much.” Alice smiled at him. “We need a piece like- ah yes, exactly like that.” He took the piece of lego she handed to him, adding it to the roof. “Now it’s complete. Thank you, Alice.”

“Youw wulcome.”

Castiel’s smile dropped, staring unblinking at their little girl. Sam’s head shot up from his book. The two were frozen for a moment as Alice smiled shyly at them, swinging her feet around. 

“What did you say, sweetheart?” Sam finally asked softly.

Alice took a deep breath. “Youw. Wulcome.” She pressed the words, her brows creased in concentration. When she looked up, she looked a little unsure at her parents’ shocked gazes.

“… You’re talking.” Sam’s face finally brightened as he got up and crouched to take Alice into his arms, the girl giggling in glee as she took flight. “She talks, Cas! Baby you talk!” 

Castiel got up as Sam danced around with Alice in her arms, his eyes filling as she laughed. “So high!” She exclaimed in glee and Sam hugged her tightly with a constrained sob. 

“Cas…” He held an arm out to his husband and Castiel joined the hug happily, stroking their daughter’s hair and placing a kiss on Sam’s lips. “It will all be alright,” the angel murmured with a smile, their foreheads joined together and hands laced over Alice’s back.

“Yeah,” Sam whispered as a happy tear went down his cheek.


End file.
